L

Love, the poet said, is woman's whole existence.
Virginia Woolf

Singapore

suddenly i miss everyone

Chẳng hiểu sao giữa cái thời tiết khủng khiếp này lại thấy nhớ. Nhớ nhiều thứ. Nhớ nhiều người.
Kể ra thì mình cũng không phải là đứa vô cảm như mình từng nghĩ.


Got no reason for coming to me and the rain running down.
There's no reason.
And the same voice coming to me like it's all slowin down.
And believe me

"Fuck me. I'm so tired of being me. Me beautiful. Me ugly. Blonde. Brunette. A million fucking fashion makeovers that only leave me trapped being me.
Who I was before the accident is just a story now. Everything before now, before now, before now, is just a story I carry around. I guess that would apply to anybody in the world. What I need is a new story about who I am.
What I need to do is fuck up so bad I can't save myself."
(Chuck Palahniuk)

Too doo doo too, too doo doo.............................................

...

I used to love taking photos. No, it's not so true. Now i still love taking photos. I love nature, beauty, colours, images, emotions... but if you give me a camera i dont know what to do with it anymore. I dont know where and what i can take a photography, i even dont have any idea in my head. Suddenly, when i have a camera in my hand, i am so empty.

Maybe, the problem is in my mind. I have imprisoned myself around narrow place for a long time. Oh, no it doesnt mean clearly "narrow", i intent to say "narrow real place". I'm lazy for wandering around, i'm afraid to meet and talk to people, and sometimes i feel uncomfortable when they're around. I only find out inspirations by closing my eyes and drifting in the place where is far, far away from reality, the place that i dont know its name. When my eye opens, my mind fall down to earth, i watch around then nothing can impress me, everything continues bore me to death.

I hate reality but i also hate romanticism. I guess it ruins me as fast as everything real. It's so pretentious and ornate that makes no sense. I wish i could know exactly what i want. Sometimes, it's feel like i want so many things that i need to try to get, but another times, i nearly dont want to do whatsoever, i want to give up everything, want to rest my head in the clouds and let things flow in the way they may.

Back to the matter i talked on the first paragraph, taking photo or not taking photos anymore is not important, the main thing i should do now is finding the right way to walk in. But where is the right way? I dare say, if one day i find it out, i dont have strength and energy to walk anymore...

Life is elsewhere but where is it?