tê người!!!

raining...

i just want resting my head on the pillow but still have work waiting for me, neverending work...
i'm surely not a workaholic and i feel ashamed of this. the more i'm ashamed, the more i work to defense myself but i'm still easily bored and tired. i'm still myself.

my life now is full of fears. fear of tomorrow, of next year, of my fucking future and i can't stop it. i wish if i could give up everything without hesitation, if i could loose control and let myself floating to everywhere or nowhere.

sometimes, i have a desire of shooting to my brain to stop me from thinking. the question of happiness and freedom stucks on my mind, "i don't know if i'm unhappy because i'm not free, or if i'm not free because i'm unhappy". It makes me think, it alwasys makes me think. It keeps me stay away from people even when i'm among them.

it's raining hard.

morning i will go to work. everyone's working for life, why i feel a burden when riding to office (even none has a problem with me there)
should i quit my job and relax some times? or work as freelancer at home?
i guess the best thing for me is going somewhere else.
i need a change and i am changing... gradually...

Tender is the night

"The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and of bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained faces up to hers, and smiles; and though she does not speak, we know what she would say, and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone. Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night's heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far away beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but angels of God."

(Three men on boat- Jerome K. Jerome)

i feel love

be obsessed of this video and music and of course, this fragrance
i will take it soon