fitter, happier?

"more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much
Regular exercise at the gym, 3 days a week
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries at ease
Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats
A patient, better driver, a safer car, baby smiling in back seat
Sleeping well, no bad dreams, no paranoia
Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole
Keep in contact with old friends, enjoy a drink now and then
Will frequently check credit at moral bank, hole in wall
Favors for favors, fond but not in love
Charity standing orders on Sundays ring road supermarket
No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants
Car wash, also on Sundays, no longer afraid of the dark or mid-day shadows
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish
At a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape
Now self-employed, concerned, but powerless
An empowered and informed member of society, pragmatism not idealism
Will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet
Shot of baby strapped in back seat, a good memory, still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick
That's driven into frozen winter shit, the ability to laugh at weakness
Calm fitter, healthier and more productive, a pig in a cage on antibiotics "

I am the fuel that fires the engine of failure

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Loads of work make me feel like shit. But more and more works wait for me til Tet holiday. How can i deal with it?

"Some obvious active treatment cures and prevention of your fatigue calls for appropriate lifestyle adjustments by way of:

• exercise regularly
• drink plenty of water
• eat a healthy, well-balanced diet
• maintain a reasonable work and personal schedule
• get adequate, regular and consistent sleep each night
• change stressful circumstances ~ switch jobs, take a vacation or deal directly with problems in a relationship"

sure i can get through that.
I have no relationship, boredom of love, lack of emotions, no vacation plan so i will work hard to get money. But even money is boring...

I, I've been lonely
And I, I've been blind
And I,. I've learned nothing
So my hands are firmly tied
To the sinking leadweight
of failure

I've worked hard all my life
Money slips through my hands
My face in the mirror tells me
It's no surprise that I'm
Pushing the stone up the hill
of failure

They tempt me with violence
They punish me with ideals
And they crush me with an image of my
life that's nothing but unreal
Except on the goddamned slaveship
of failure

I'll drown here trying
to get up for some air
But each time I think I breathe
I'm laid on with a double share
of the punishing burden
of failure

I don't deserve to be down here
But I'll never leave
And I've learned one thing
You can't escape the beast
In the null and void pit
of failure

When I get my hands on some money
I'll kiss it's green skin
And I'll ask it's dirty face
"Where the hell have you been?"
"I am the fuel that fires the engine
of failure."

I'll be old and broken down
I'll forget who and where I am
I'll be senile or forgotten
But I'll remember and understand
You can bank your hard-earned money
on failure

I saw my father crying
I saw my mother break her hand
On a wall that wouldn't weep
But that certainly held in
The mechanical moans of a dying man
Who was a failure

My back hurts me when I bend
Because I carry a load
My brain hurts me like a knife-hole
Because I've yet to be shown
How to pull myself out from
The sucking quicksand
of failure

Some people live in hell
Many bastards succeed
But I. I've learned nothing
I can't even elegantly bleed
Out the poison blood
of failure

Breathless

Patricia Franchini: It's sad to fall asleep. It separates people. Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone.
.......................
Patricia Franchini: I don't know if I'm unhappy because I'm not free, or if I'm not free because I'm unhappy.
..............................
Michel Poiccard: When we talked, I talked about me, you talked about you, when we should have talked about each other.
..............................
Patricia Franchini: What is your greatest ambition in life?
Parvulesco: To become immortal... and then die.

nothing

"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing."
Sylvia Plath

...

V ơi, nếu mộng không thành thì phải làm sao!?

you don't, you don't , you don't see me... at all

"Between the end of that strange summer and the approach of winter, my life went on without change. Each day would dawn without incident and end as it had begun. It rained a lot in September. October had several warm, sweaty days. Aside from the weather, there was hardly anything to distinguish one day from the next. I worked at concentrating my attention on the real and useful. I would go to the pool almost every day for a long swim, take walks, make myself three meals.

But even so, every now and then I would feel a violent stab of loneliness. The very water I drank, the very air I breathed, would feel like long, sharp needles. The pages of a book in my hands would take on the threatening metallic gleam of razor blades. I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning."
( Haruki Murakami - The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle)

...

"I am selfish, private and easily bored.
Will this be a problem?"
(Neil Gaiman)

not in good mood

but i love the shade of winter here....

Ngày sinh của mây

Đến một ngày em không nói nữa

Con chim ngậm tăm bay qua bầu trời tối

Và đốm lửa tắt trên môi anh để tro tàn rơi vãi trên tờ giấy cũ

Đến một ngày em nằm yên trên bờ cỏ vết chân bò ủng nước

Tiếng ếch nhái hoang vu tiếng gió đi lau lách gỗ mục

Anh nhìn bàn tay không đường chỉ nắm lại chút hư không gửi về em

Thế giới còn lại một phần không đáng kể

Hồi ức về mây là em đã đến vào lúc cây đang đổ

Cơn bão khuya dằng dặc

Anh đếm vòng quay của trái đất định vị căn phần

Nụ hôn em hố thẳm

Đến một ngày nắng hạn anh nhìn sâu vào cánh đồng vô vọng

Không còn dấu chim bay không còn tiếng vỡ của lời nói

Và anh quay mặt về tương lai trên một lối đi hẹp không ánh sáng

Chỉ có từ tâm của em dẫn đường

Đến một ngày anh sẽ không viết nữa

Tiếng lách cách của bàn phím sẽ tắt lịm trong giấc ngủ

Và rừng tàn và bất tận và thác lũ và miên man

Trên mỗi ngọn đèn đường ma hời âm vọng

Bóng con thiêu thân lao vào vĩnh cửu

Đến một ngày anh gõ cửa âm ti và nghe tiếng em rạo rực

Sự sống vẫn còn đâu đó mà anh không thể gặt hái

Một chút từ tâm của em quá đủ để quay về
Nguyễn Viện

totally bored!

Leave me hypnotized

"You know this place,
you know this gloom?
We've been here before.
When life is a loop, you're in a room without a door.
Pick up the phone and answer me at last.
Today I will step out of your past.
"Trouble that we've come to know will stay with us"",
with every step it slowly grows.
Rub off the rust"

i’m writing a love story

January 24, 2009

i dont know it happened in my dream or my reality…

one late night in January
it was damn cold
i leaned my back against the wall and shivered like a last leaf in the tree
the black shadows of light dimly loomed before my eyes
he stood next to me and was silent as the hundred waves in the ocean
his lips was so promised that i could hardly breathe
he put his hand on my shoulder and suddenly gave me a kiss
the velvet sky collapsed under my feet
i almost numbed, comfortably numb
at that time, i merely wanted to die in his arm to keep the warmth and sweet of his love forever
but he just appears in my life in the blink of an eye
he's just like a wind
like a wind
…

october falls

"Đã nghe rét mướt luồn trong gió"

“She felt very young, at the same time unspeakably aged. She sliced like a knife through everything, at the same time was outside, looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day.”

(Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway)

mirror in the sky, what is love?

you think i always drown in the pool of sadness but actually it's the way i feel for my life and it will. i feel love by this way also. i can be sad, i can be sorrowful or wrong in love but life is it so i accept all. i dare say i love for my pleasure but it doesnt mean i dont have responsibility about my love. everytime i love someone, i embrace them with my whole heart. i always love them with every little piece of my broken-me.

people always complains about why he or she doesnt love them as they love but (imo) in love, giving is receiving. only when your solitude, sadness or your pain are the pleasure when you think you fall in love with someone, it's truly the time you fall in LOVE. you experience through various feelings and at last you will thank for all that things. i heard someone said they sacrifice for another but it's suck, it will appreciate when you sacrifice for yourself, then you will know exactly how to cherish another.

now, i'm here with many scars in my heart but love still impress me much. i cant say who i love now because loneliness still follow me but i never stop believing in love. it makes my world colourful, pours me into ocean of beautiful sorrow, gets me higher and keeps the desire in me.

and for the things remain, love is all i need.
yes, it's true!

morning on earth?

morning.

i woke up with the sound of the rain pouring down from the great height. my eyes still closed and my mind filled with memories. i remembered the land of my childhood and the people who walked into my life and left their footprints there. i recollected all the things had passed away.

rain fell. the wind blowed cold. i could imagine a thousand drops on the ivy. it's like a necklace made by crystal. this image made me feel gently and tranquillized as i was drifting through the soft cloud. for that moment, everything relieved. all my troubles, my boredoms, my worries flowed away with water.

i have walked in the path of life for about 23 years. sometimes my memories come back and agitate my mind, sometimes my expectance of future ruins my present. it means i have never contented about my whole life so far. my desperations keep me away from everyone. sometimes i wish i could go to someplace where noone related to me. but my love for my beloved ones call me back 'cause i still want them to be around with me so much. i dont know what to do, i dont know what to be, i just know nothing...

but life still goes on and on...



"Lord it's a storm and I'm heading to fall
These sins are mine and I've done wrong
I want you to, oh, I just want you to
come on down..."

emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me

intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness...

"to blossom blue, is to blossom without you"